Personal experiences

How does your garden grow?

I have been thinking a lot about growth lately. Personal, professional, spiritual, etc. Since the pandemic started there have been countless articles and videos about making time for yourself and your growth.

Thats when I started to think about my garden.

In the late spring I started a garden. This was against my better judgement as I am not known for my green thumb (as previously noted in my other posts). For some reason, this year is different. this year I use my time in the garden to think and recharge. In the morning I go out and check the status of my plants. Who needs water? Who needs dead leaves removed and flowers cleared away? Who needs food? Who needs to be cut back to encourage new growth? I will putter in the front and then slowly make my way to the back.

There I sit on the steps and pull up a planter and tend to the flowers. Mila, our cat, will usually, sit next to me watching as I patiently clear away old growth so that new growth can happen. I have one type of plant that has the smallest of flowers. It explodes in soft pink petals when it is happy. However, you must spend time pulling all the little dead flowers off for the fresh flowers to grow. These flowers have a short bloom cycle. So, I try and stay on top of it. In some ways it reminds me of trimming a bonsai. It is very relaxing, and I can let my mind wander. It evens me out and sets me in a calm state for the start of my day.

What needs to go for new growth to happen?

Plants often need to have their dead leaves and flowers pruned so that the energy that they get from the sun, water and food goes toward the new growth and not toward trying to maintain or heal the old growth. Maybe, people do too. In the past I have not thought about time for growth in the right way. I guess I should think about it in the same way that I tend my garden. I don’t need to find the time to spend on my growth. I just need to readjust what I am spending my time on because I am sending my energy to the wrong things. I need to send my energy to new goals that energize me and move me forward instead of trying to maintain my old goals.

Room to grow

In my garden I spend time evaluating the growth of the plants. Some of them are greedy and begin taking up the entire planter. At that point I need to decide if I need to split some plants up and give them more room to grow. There are considerations to this. Which plants can take a repotting? Do I have enough pots? Can it share a pot with another plant that also needs more room? Do I have the right soil? Will the plant survive a few rounds with the neighborhood squirrels? Will my husband start to notice that we are running out of space on the deck?

I believe that we too, can outgrow our pots. I have spent a lot of my career sharing new pots. Migrating to new groups as my team gets reorganized. Taking advantage of opportunities as they present themselves but not really choosing a pot of my own. I reinvent myself as the need arises. It is a skill that I have gotten good at over the years. It is one of my best talents. Most of the time the new pot fits well and seems to make sense. Like planting smaller flowers around a central larger flower. I don’t mind being a supporting smaller flower. However, when I think about what retirement looks like, that’s when I believe I will finally have a pot of my own that I can grow into the larger central flower. I’d like to think the pot will be painted with tiny pink flowers on the side.

Water daily as needed

Every plant needs water to grow. The trick is to not water too much or too little. Too much and the leaves turn yellow and mushy. Too little and the leaves turn brown and fall off. We need to tend to ourselves daily as well. We need to be nourished daily, in mind, body and spirit. Forcing yourself to take that time is important. Without it we will begin to wither.

At one point a couple of years ago. I found myself focusing on work so much I was making myself ill. I had gained so much weight my doc told me if I didn’t do something soon, I wouldn’t live another 10 years. A few weeks later I went to my manager and told him that I needed more flexible hours. I needed to take some time to get my health back in line. So that is what I did. For a year and a half, I focused primarily on my health. I lost 80 lbs. I got off some of my meds. My high blood pressure was gone, and I was regularly walking 3.5 miles 6 days a week. It also improved my marriage. I hadn’t realized that I was spending so much time focusing on work that I was neglecting our relationship. Our walks everyday brought us back together. No phones are allowed on our walks. Just spending time together. When we skip our walks for whatever reason we both feel a hole in our day. It’s important to take care of you.

During this pandemic getting the time to nourish myself daily has gotten harder. There are fewer boundaries in a work from home environment. It is harder to get away for those walks. The refrigerator is too close in proximity. I am finding my way back though. I am rediscovering music, gardening, walking, friendships, and me.

How does your garden grow? I would love to hear how you recharge and make time for your growth.

For those following my garden adventures: Here are some side by sides from this year:

Flower Bowl – Before/After
Front Planter – Before/After
Tomatoes – Before/After
Personal experiences, Uncategorized

What I did on my summer vacation…

For me, a vacation isn’t what most people would call a vacation. I spend most of my time taking care of things that I don’t normally have time for. Things like home repair, organizing, cooking, gardening, and visiting with family. Last year I spent my vacation remodeling a spare bedroom into my home office. While I feel accomplished, I rarely feel relaxed at the end. This year was no different.

I selected to take two weeks off in July. This is kind of a no brainer for us as both my husband and I have birthdays that fall within a week of each other during this time. This year it also aligned with the birth of our new granddaughter. I took my two weeks expecting to help my daughter out with the new baby and my other two grandchildren. She was due to arrive the day before my vacation started. As with most babies in our family, she decided to take her own sweet time. I decided to fill my time waiting with some other items…

Christmas in July

In addition to vacation, July is a time when we start preparing for Christmas. I know that this is odd, but we are homemade gift givers. During the holidays I put together baskets for family and friends full of food items that are made in our kitchen. During June we begin the lengthy process by creating jam while the berries are still fresh in the fields of our local farms. We start with assessing the current stock of empty jars and lids.

Jars

Then we decide what types of jam/jelly we will be making for the year and counting how many more jars and lids we will need. This year, we made strawberry, tayberry, tay-black cap and black cap.

Strawberries
Tayberries
Black caps

In August we will add various pepper jelly flavors as well. For now, we have 97-half pints, and 6-pint jars of jam. Fingers crossed, that this is enough. My grandkids can make short work of a pint in no time at all.

First time recipients of my jam always ask, “what is a tayberry?” or “what is a black cap?”. Tayberries are a cross between a Scotland raspberry and an Oregon blackberry. Black caps are black raspberries. Black caps are deliciously sweet and make wonderful jam! They also have a tremendous number of antioxidants. Tayberries are a bit tangier but are fantastic if you like more ZING! with your morning toast.

Black cap jam, ready to label

So, by middle of week one, still no new grandbaby. I turned my attention to other projects because ADHD is a cruel disease that makes it impossible to not be filling my time with something. A brain at rest only seems to get me into trouble. Perhaps I should revisit meditation.

Cleaning up the garden

A few weeks before my vacation, the northwest experienced an unusual heatwave. It got above 100 degrees here. This is not something that the people or the plants are accustomed to here. Despite my constant watering my more fragile plants did not care for the heat. My beautiful tomato plants began turning yellow, some of the flowers were curling up and starting to die, my lettuce was wilting, and my roses were dropping petals like there was no tomorrow.

Sad Tomatoes

By the time of my vacation, the garden resembled a decimated war zone. The only plants that seemed to do well were the petunias. It should be noted that should we have an apocalyptic event, I believe the petunias will be the only flower that survives.

It was time to get my hands dirty.

I consulted my local gardener’s forum to see how I could help my ailing tomatoes. They recommended staking them and pruning them back to force new growth. I also missed a step and planted them too close together, but it was too late to separate them now as they already had fruit.

My oldest daughter, the one waiting for the arrival of my new granddaughter, suggested that I move the wilting flowers to the back “yard” to give them shade to recover.

For the remainder, I got out my pruning shears and went to town cutting back the damage and forcing new growth. The lettuce and I are still at odds as it refuses to grow out, only up. I think I must have the tallest lettuces on the planet.

Party at Maka’s house

By Friday of the first week, I was feeling accomplished. My daughter called and said that Saturday was going to be the day whether my granddaughter liked it or not. Since they had an early arrival time at the hospital, I offered to watch my other two grandchildren, Tesla and Emrys. This would allow my daughter and her husband to have a last night of quiet before the baby arrived and everyone could get a better night’s sleep, sort of.

We rolled out the big Cordaroy bed in our room so that they could have a sleep over with Maka and Papa. We ate hamburgers, had birthday cake (it was my birthday and they insisted I needed a party), and played video games. Here’s the funny bit. They were so excited about this bed on the floor and were looking forward to camping out there. Truth be told I was looking for a good night’s sleep. However, by the time everyone was ready for bed I was getting a different story. Emrys wanted to read with Maka and snuggle till he fell asleep. Tesla was hot on the floor and so she wanted to sleep on the bed so that she could get the cool air from the air conditioner. So, the three of us slept on my king size bed. My husband had decided earlier on that he would be better off sleeping elsewhere in the house because he is smart this way. I woke up on Saturday with Tesla lying horizontally across the bed and Emrys sliding into the space between the two sides of our sleep number bed. He loved it!

We got up and made pancakes with left over jam. I kept sending photos to my daughter Amy in the hospital to keep her up to date on the kids. Tesla kept stealing my phone so that she could send voice recorded messages to her mother. Not sure how Amy felt about getting several iterations of voice messages because she would send her all her tries at recording.

We walked to the park to play on the swings. I threw my back out, forgetting that I am no longer a spring chicken and cannot lift children over the age of five up to reach the swinging bars without hurting myself. My husband gave us a ride back from the park (Have I mentioned what lucky woman I am?).

We filled a lot of time waiting for the baby. We “played” Exploding Kittens. We didn’t exactly follow the rules, but it was fun anyway. We watered the plants in the garden, played video games, read stories, and ate more cake. We were just getting ready to go to sleep when baby Freya arrived. The kids were SO excited! They were full of questions and wanting to talk to their Mom and Dad. After everyone had gotten a chance to talk and see pictures of the baby, we all settled in for the night. Maka slept on the floor on the lumpy Cordaroy mattress.

In the morning we had left over pancakes and started packing up their things for when their Dad would get them for a special day out.

I love having my grandkids over, they are the light of my life. I just need a day or so to recover after they leave.

Bits and Bobs

The remainder of my vacation was full of small things. Things that eat up time and for some reason never seem that satisfying.

Things like finally getting rid of the four huge recliners, one of which smelled like cat pee, despite what seems like hundreds of cleaning sessions. Then replacing them with two new recliners. While the damage to the previous chair was done by Cleo, Mila has been given “the talk” about scratching on the new furniture. We will see how that holds up. In the meantime, my house now smells fantastic!

I also spent an hour looking for my pepper jelly recipe. The one that my sister gave me. She reminded me of this when I wouldn’t give her my recipe for black cap jam. Truth be told it isn’t the recipe that makes my jam special. It is the way it is processed and that is a secret only my kids will learn. Besides, the pepper jelly recipe isn’t really hers anymore. I have reworked it a bit and I’ve made my yearly changes, experiments, if you will. I have some great ideas this year, but I still haven’t found the stinking recipe! Karma, I guess.

Finally, I puttered a bit with our technology in the house. While I was rearranging furniture for the chairs, I noted that I hadn’t gotten the sound bar working for our TV. So, I fixed that. I also organized all the cables. When that was done, I binge watched TV shows until three in the morning. I also hooked up our new portable air conditioner. I think I may have forgotten my ADHD medication that day…

The takeaway

What was my big takeaway from my vacation which ends tonight? Vacation may not always be a trip to Hawaii, Paris or even a hiking trip to the beach. Sometimes, vacation is just getting to reconnect with your life and remember what it is like to be connected with the people you love. I am hoping that this is what retirement looks like when I get there.

This was my favorite part…. Welcome to the world and our family little Freya!

Personal experiences

Truth

I love waking up hearing the birds outside my window
Enjoying each song of the new day
Stretching and feeling my body move 
As I look in the mirror, I see every crease on my face
The grey in my hair 
Extra curves where there once were none 
Every imperfection that says I have lived a good life 
These are small things
But they are real, they are my truth 

There are times when my truth is clouded
When I turn on the news and watch as the world crumbles
Human beings forgetting to be human
Neighbors staring suspiciously over fences
Questioning others
As they live their truth

My truth is easy, it flows like a mountain stream
It’s like that when you have privilege
For others, for most, their truth is not easy
It is like a gravel road, strewn with big rocks and obstacles to overcome
I would give anything to move those rocks
So that they too could swim in the stream
To feel the easy flow

I remember springs running through the grass
Feeling the coolness between my toes
Picking daisies and singing songs
Wishing for futures yet to come
Do children still do this?
Can they?
In a world where fear permeates the air
Air that used to be fresh and taken in deep breaths
What do they wish for now?

For now, I chase the clouded truths away
Images of all people running through the spring grasses
Laughing and singing
I ask myself, whose big rocks can I remove today?